Self-Soothing Lies Mothers Tell Themselves

Did you ever heard a mother saying “it is better for the kids not to live in a home where the parents are fighting, I’m divorcing for the children sake!” and thus justifying herself for breaking up a family? (yes I know it can also be the father, but it is most often the mother filing for divorce, 70-90% of time the mother initiate the divorce.)

Citing an article entitled “Is Making Divorce Easier Bad for Children? The Long‐Run Implications of Unilateral Divorce” written by Jonathan Gruber and published in the Journal of Labor Economics , Vol. 22, No. 4 (October 2004), pp. 799-833:

“I assess the long‐run implications for children of growing up in a unilateral divorce environment, which increases the ease of divorce by not requiring the explicit consent of both partners. Using 40 years of census data to exploit the variation across states and over time in changes in divorce regulation, I confirm that unilateral divorce regulations do significantly increase the incidence of divorce. Adults who were exposed to unilateral divorce regulations as children are less well educated, have lower family incomes, marry earlier but separate more often, and have higher odds of adult suicide.”

Hence, making divorce easier hurts children significantly. This should be read by every mother (or the father in the minority of cases) before breaking up a family and dragging their children through the hate filled mud of divorce.

It is better for your children to grow up in a home with both biological parents, even if they are fighting. The divorce serves the your personal interests, not your children. It is better for your children that the parents stay married. This is the truth, a disturbing uncomfortable truth, not a self soothing lie.

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3 Responses to Self-Soothing Lies Mothers Tell Themselves

  1. Anonymous says:

    The 70-90% thing I’ve read before and I believe it was stated that 70% of the time women actually initiated and 20% of the remanding 30% of the time the man initiates is hypothesized to be caused by some infidelity by the female. Am I correct or is it a solid 90%? The source you linked didn’t show any data.

    • dicipres says:

      The work in the link do contain the statistics, however, just in case I quote

      “The 2004 survey found that 93% of divorce cases were petitioned by wives, very few of which were contested.”


  2. xsplat says:

    I’d like to see a direct comparison between the outcome for children of couples who stay together even though they fight enough to have considered divorce, and outcome for the children of couples who divorced for that same reason.

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