My journey into becoming a thinking man began almost ten years ago. This journey was initially inspired by an angst to fulfill sexual desires. I wanted to understand in order to achieve a goal. I began this journey as a ‘good’ hopeless romantic man with awkward and ineffective interactions with women. I ended a bad man without any romanticism who easily attracts young women. I did achieved the goal I wanted, but the process changed who I am. As I dismantled the lies I dismantled my old self. Today I see society, morality and sexual relations just as interactions between genes and memes. I see emotions as the tools of the genes. I have no illusions that love, family or tribalism are more than that. While it is easy to agree with these facts on the surface, understanding the full implications of these facts is much darker.
I was not the only one changing. Society was changing too and destroyed things my old self cared most about. Young me used to care greatly about masculine institutions (e.g. army) and family. Both lost most of their meaning today. Our times today are times of social atomization, ending of social institutions, degradation of honor and glorification of weakness. The exact opposite of masculinity and family.
The more I look the more I understand that I have nearly nothing in common with the people around me. There is nothing in modern culture to believe in. There is nothing in modern culture that I am a part of. There is no ground to stand on anymore and when there is no ground to stand on we must learn to fly. We must defect from the sinking ground and allow ourselves to be completely different from the people around us.